When should grandparents weigh in or meddle in their own sons' and daughters' everyday approaches to raising their own children? There are obvious justifiable reasons for intervening, which I wouldn't term as meddling at all.

Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol. Physical and/or verbal abuse of a spouse or children. Dire financial needs. Hard times call for grandparents to swoop in and save the day. If you know of such a story, let's hear about it.

There's also a different brand of swooping or hovering, the meddling I mentioned, which warrants discussion. I'm talking about the remarks, comments, questions or passive-aggressive banter that grandparents engage in as they not-so-passively plug their opinions voluntarily into your parenting process.

My wife and I are far from perfect. But we also work very hard at being a good parents. My wife and I try to learn from each other and change when needed as we fish for how to best raise our children. Our version of being good parents is going to be different in many ways than most other parents, including my own. In times when different isn't necessarily better or worse, only different, grandparents still insert themselves into the parental equation with how they'd do this or that when it comes to your children.

And let's be honest, it's usually grandmothers who can't resist parachuting into your parenting pool. It would be great if none of us had an ego. It'd be wonderful if every comment from grandma comes across as actually useful or practical.

The hard part is handling our egos and pride or figuring out quickly (before heated words are exchanged) where the value is in something that spills uncontrollably from the mouths of our elders. Part of it comes down to delivery. Some grandparents out there could benefit from a lesson or two in tact, timing and tone so they don't come across as merely a buttinsky.

When receiving unexpected or unwanted advice, it also comes down to reacting. Parents might want to school one another as grandparents on either side of the family take turns at unwittingly raising the hairs on the back of your necks. In the absence of the ability to self-police, the best, quickest way to keep the peace may be an alert, thoughtful, more objective spouse who can help you deal.

If only we were all better at heeding the advice our spouses, who in many cases aren't afraid to illuminate parental mistakes and lapses of judgment on a daily basis. I'd love to hear from parents (and their grandparents) on this subject. Maybe it will turn into a discussion about grandparents' role while in their children's homes.